30 Things about Me: Day 3

Describe your relationship with your parents:

WOW... where to begin! 

My parents met in Georgia 36 years ago while working in a children's group home. They fell in love and got married. When they were 20 years old, they gave birth to their only daughter! (yep, that's me) After a few short months, my father decided he didn't want to be a dad and he took off! He left my mom with nothing! They were officially divorced when I was two. From ages 2-11, he didn't write, call, visit, pay child support...nothing! For all we knew, he could've died and we wouldn't have known. I just knew my mom loved me and would do anything for me while my dad was the complete opposite!

Then, when I was 11 years old, he came back into our lives. He came back saying, "I'm a new man; I've found God; I have changed!" So my mom took him back. He, right away, called me his daughter and referred to himself as my dad. I wasn't too sure about all of that. Yes, I knew that biologically it was true, but I was mad that he though all would be "normal" after all of those years. THEN...they announced they were to be remarried! On May 20, 1989, my parents were married...again! Then, in January the following year, my brother, Nathan was born! 

My father wasn't too good about keeping jobs, so in the first 2 years of their marriage, we moved from Clearwater, FL, to Ohio, to Melbourne, FL, to Jacksonville, Fl. I was in four schools in the 8th grade... I was not a happy 13 year old by the time we'd made it to Jax. My father was emotionally and occasionally physically abusive toward me... verbally abusive to many people he knew. At this point in my life, I didn't like my mom at all because she was with him. I felt like I didn't have a parent on my side. Kind of a stinky feeling when you're 13 years old...if nothing else, you at least need your mom! I realize NOW that she was there for me, but since I didn't trust my dad, I couldn't trust her... and therefore, in MY mind, I was alone. 

FAST FORWARD 3 YEARS... 

We moved from Jax, FL to Sterling, CO when I was 15 1/2 years old....another reason for not liking my parents...moving me across the country during my sophomore year of high school. My father was more and more aggressive- kicked in doors to get to my mom when she locked herself in a room to get away from him... threatening to hurt me bad when I FINALLY stood up to him... the list goes on. SO, at almost 16 years old, my mom kicked my dad out! I think it was scary for her...knowing what it was like to be alone all those years without him when I was little, but also knowing that, to protect herself, as well as Nathan and me, he HAD to go! A few months later they were divorced! It was a great day of celebration when it was all final. I had my mom back... all to myself (well, I guess I had to share with Nathan...hehe), but I KNEW that I had her back. I knew that without dad in the picture, I could talk to her again.

I began to share my life with my mom...telling her things from the past few years that I couldn't tell her during that point in our lives. I began to have the relationship with my mom that I craved for the previous 4  years! 

NOW...

Ever since the divorce, I have struggled with my "relationship" with my dad. We were never close. Several years ago, he said to me, "I know I've never been your dad, but I would like to try to be a friend!" I wanted to be "friends" ... so I sent him a wedding announcement, as well as birth announcements for my kids. I thought he should know what was happening in my life... but I wasn't sure I wanted him IN my life. In the last 5 years of his life, he lived only 2 hours away...I only saw him once! Now, a couple months ago, he passed away.  So... some days I regret not TRYING to work out a friendship...some days I am okay with how everything went. Most days, I don't know how I feel!

My mom... she's great! She lives around the corner from me... probably about 5 houses away! The kids love being close to her- Xander loves being able to ride his bike to her house :)   We talk every day! One day last week, we missed a day of chatting, and when I went to bed that night I felt like a part of my day was incomplete! HAHA! I admire her for raising my brother and me for all those years...essentially alone. I admire her for NOT ONCE bad-mouthing my dad in front of my brother. He grew up not knowing our dad, but not hating him either. She wanted him to grow up with his memories (though they were few) and let him find out on his own terms what kind of dad he had. She never wanted Nathan's idea of dad to be based on HER idea of him. I LOVE THAT! I wish every single parent could get a hold of that ... to not bash the other parent in front of the kids! She is a strong woman... after the divorce, she went back to school to better her life! She helped take care of my grandmother for the last couple of years of her life while working full-time and being a mom! In the last year, she has lost almost 100 pounds. She is amazing...she is an inspiration!

I LOVE MY MOM!!



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