Heart broken

I worked last night, so this morning I slept.

I'm glad I was sleeping!!

When I woke from my nap around 1pm, I had 13 text messages regarding a shooting in my little town's 9th grade center. 

A 9th grade boy thought life wasn't worth living. He brought a gun to school and shot himself. You never think a gun in school/shooting will effect your community. 

My first thought was, "I'm glad he didn't use the gun on anyone else."  Then all I could think of was how the situation was being handled on the elementary school level.

As my 2nd grader is in class, are they even telling them or no? Parents all over town are leaving work to pick up their kids from school- not just the 9th grade center, but ALL of the schools are having kids going home early. I was faced with the decision: pick up Xander early or leave him there?

If they don't even know what is happening and I pick him up, then I'll have to explain what happened to him & why I'm picking him up early... thus causing undo stress on my super-emotional & empathetic child.

BUT

If the school HAS told the children what happened, and he's sitting there- because he IS super empathetic, is he wishing I would come get him?? 

I don't like being a mom sometimes. I don't know what is the best thing to do. Do I address what happened with him? Do I leave it alone?

This young teenager saw no other option but to commit suicide. Rumors suggest he was bullied by football players... I don't know, but whatever the hardship, suicide is not the answer. It is a forever answer to a temporary problem. It's such a selfish act- that poor young man saw no potential happiness anywhere in his future. Everyone in his life is left behind... now feeling such terrible pain as a result of his pain. One person said their child was his friend and he was a funny young man- always making people laugh. I can't understand how a kid who loves making people laugh can be hurting SO BAD inside. It shows that now matter what we show on the outside, the inner battle can be toxic.

For every child that knew this kid, for every member of his family, for every teacher involved in his life, for everyone in our community right now, I pray for comfort during this very painful tragedy. My heart hurts. I can't even imagine the pain of the people who actually knew this child.