About 17 years ago, my friend (Stephanie) and I taught the 2-4 year old class at church. We were also taking sing language classes at the local junior college. Our professor also attended our church. We had a little girl with "issues" ... we'll call her "Jane". Jane wouldn't talk... when we'd talk to her, she wouldn't acknowledge us... when we would sneak up behind her and make loud noises, she wouldn't even flinch. SO, we talked with our sign language professor- who also had a little girl in the same class with Jane- and asked her if she'd come hang out in class with us one Sunday. It wasn't suspicious to other parents since she had a kid in our class...but she came and just observed Jane. She was very concerned and went to speak with Jane's parents of her concern. They were outraged that anyone would suggest that their little girl was less than perfect- that maybe she should be screened for hearing or processing issues. Jane's family left the church because they were so upset...refusing to believe something was wrong.
**Broke my heart!
Now, as I am a mom, I see it happening all around me. Parents who refuse to admit that their kid may have issues... refusing to get them help. I look at Asher who is struggling with communication and anxiety issues. For over a year I struggled... I wanted to believe he was just a shy kid and it would all work itself out, but in the back of my head, I KNEW something wasn't right. I didn't seek help until more than a year of the "issues" had passed. I regret that now- I wish that I had talked with the doctor right away, but like many other parents, I didn't want to admit something was truly wrong. Now, there is such a sense of relief knowing that I am doing what is best for Asher- getting him the help and therapy he needs. It was hard to finally say that we needed help... but I realized (thinking about Jane) that NOT getting help does him a dis-service ... it hurts HIM to not get the help he needs!
After Xander's parent-teacher conference last night, I am faced with the decision to get him tutoring or to "tutor" him myself. I am no tutor... I am no teacher. BUT, part of me struggles with the decision because IF I put him in tutoring for his reading (he's in 2nd grade, but reading at a 1st grade level), I am admitting that he's not "perfect" ... I know that sounds silly, right? I want to believe he is the smartest little 7 year old on the planet... BUT the truth of the matter is...even though he is smart, and a "Great Student" (so says his teacher) he's having trouble keeping up with the kids in class because he's so behind on reading! If I don't put him in tutoring, am I doing a dis-service to him? Am I preventing him from having every possible opportunity to learn and develop his reading skills?
I want to do the best I can as these kids' mother!
I want to make the best decisions for their little lives!
I sure wish I had an instruction manual to help me with this journey!
I totally agree, and understand the struggle. you want your child to be perfect. but there is also that fine line that as a parent you walk, you dont want to be dramatic and think everything is wrong with your child and you always, get them help on things, but you dont want to ignore things either. I have to say when the twins were born and in an in home daycare, I noticed Caysen's head a little different shape, but I figured he would grow out of it, then the teacher took them to a playdate with some other friends of hers and one lady had a daughter who was in a helmet. I was so thankful the lady and the teacher stepped up and said something to me, because it just helped me confirm i wasn't crazy.
ReplyDeletei think the only way to be the best parent to your kid, is to give them the tools to be successful. No one is perfect, but a perfect person knows how to use their resources to make themselves perfect.
Brave words friend. I'm so thrilled that you are getting help for Asher. You are a phenominal mom. I know in the moment these trials seem huge and labels on who are children are (slow, anxiety, behind, not as smart...) but the truth is, their identity is sealed with the Holy Spirit in Jesus. Their label if you will is CHILD OF GOD. Nothing else really matters. Your sweet boys are God's workmanship, His masterpieces. God doesn't make junk and He sure doesn't make mistakes! It's our job as parents to provide our children with the tools and environments that will help them thrive in life and most importantly glorify God. If it means a tutor for a year, so be it. If it means therapy for a time, great. If it means posting scripture on the walls of their bedrooms and bathrooms that remind them all the time that they are God's masterpiece, then bring out the tape!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you and your family.
xoxoxox
BIG decision Mom but you do have to do what is best for him. No One is perfect & reading is the MOST important thing a person needs to succeed in life. It will be harder on you than on him.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest brother had to take speech from Kindergarten-1st grade b/c we all talked for him so he didn't speak. out of all 4 of us kids, he is the smartest one & making so much $$$ now!!