Made to Crave -- humbling thoughts...

Day One:

My friend Cathey- a wonderful person- asked me if I wanted to team up with her and several other ladies for this 3 week long Bible study called Made to Crave. I didn't think anything of the title- just figured it was about craving more of God. I have been wanting to be more diligent about reading my Bible... I have been thinking about how much I NEED to get into the Word and study it more. So I quickly agreed to Cathey's invitation to join this mini-study. 

So, today I began this journey of being Made to Crave. I was partially right- it's about craving God. But on day one, it is about learning to crave God MORE than food! It hit me as I sat here reading the first day that my cravings are way out of line.

Here are some of the things that hit me hard in today's post:
*God gave us food for nourishment, strength, and even celebration. But when pleasure becomes unrestrained, there’s a problem.
--When I think about why I eat like I do, I don't do it for the reasons many people do it. People gorge themselves on sweets because they're depressed- not me. I don't depress eat. People eat because they are stressed out- not me. I don't eat when I am stressed. *I* eat when I am bored. But not only then. I eat because food encompasses my mind. I'm ashamed of this. Almost every time I go somewhere, I think to myself, "What fast food drive-thru can I go through today?" My eating is completely unrestrained. I tell my kids, "We're just going here for a quick drink." Then I'll order a combo so all they hear is my drink order- and I'll secretly eat where they can't see me from the back seats. This is completely unrestrained eating... I MAY have a problem!

*We have to see the purpose of our struggle with food as something more than getting to wear smaller sizes and receive compliments. Shallow desires produce shallow efforts. It’s about recalibrating our souls so that we want to change for the right reasons.

--I see this so often in myself. I go clothes shopping and get bummed. I want to wear the cuter clothes, but they don't make cute stuff in my size. So I am 36 year old woman wearing "Old Lady" clothes because clothing manufacturers think heavy people must not want cute stuff?? I don't know...but I can't find stuff big enough for me that is cute! So let me think about losing weight to fit in smaller sizes. Or, I see my friends losing weight and they look great and they get SO many compliments for their transformation. I am an attention hog and I would LOVE that attention, so I should lose weight too.  

But really!?!?!  

 If these things are my motivation for losing weight, will I actually lose it to keep it off? Compliments are fleeting. Cute clothes are fad-ish and passing. So when the compliments stop, will I go back to eating again because that is my habit?  Eating, for me, is a habit. Not a source of comfort. Eating, for me, is a problem. I see the scale and cringe, but do nothing about it. My husband tells me how beautiful I am- especially when I am feeling extra fat. He is so good to me about complimenting me. I want to prove him right and be physically beautiful. But is physical beauty defined by weight? NO!! So, even losing weight to be "prettier" is not the right motivation.

I need to make a change in my MIND, in my THOUGHTS. I need to redirect my attention to the only thing that should encompass my mind this much- GOD!

Psalm 139:17 "How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!  (18) If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, [could I count to the end] I would still be with You."  

--I want my thoughts of Him to be countless. I want to drive down the road and NOT think about which drive-thru will receive my money that day. I want to drive down the road thinking of Him so much that I lose track of how often HE is on my mind. I love God... I truly do! But for too long, I have been showing McDonalds more love than God! Something is VERY wrong with that!!

So, day one of Made to Crave has punched me in the spiritual gut.  Here's to the next 20 days of this Bible study. I hope the next 20 days isn't quite as "painful"!!  If you are reading this, PLEASE feel free to hold me accountable. Please ask me how I'm doing about NOT gorging myself and NOT eating out all the time. Please ask me how my Bible time is working out. PLEASE. I am weak... I need all the help I can get! Thank you!