Failure vs confidence

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one." 

Elbert Hubbard

Something about me that you may not know is that I struggle all too often with LACK of confidence. I have an internal battle with myself anytime I am faced with something new. 

The terror is paralyzing at times.

Remember my post about going to the movies alone recently? That was one of those moments...but it turned out okay, and I have gone alone to several movies since!!!

Another example... several years ago, I was nominated and elected (out of the blue) to be the PRESIDENT of my twin mommy group. Me!? In charge and responsible for a non-profit organization... leading monthly group meetings AND monthly board meetings. 

I.was.freaking.out...

TOTALLY! 

I expected to volunteer for a side job, one that didn't draw attention too much attention to myself! I will never forget the night of my first meeting... I called my friend, Shannon, in tears. Paralyzed with the fear of being in front of people in a leadership role. She was my rock that night, she helped me through. And guess what? I absolutely loved being president with those awesome ladies, and I'd still be willing to do it if it weren't for silly term limits!

Most recently, I am embarking on a couple of new adventures. First, as a Scentsy consultant; secondly, as a school employee.  Neither opportunity has begun as of yet, but I am sooo nervous.

About the home business, I WANT to do it, and I absolutely love the product, but I am scared to fail and let my friend down who is getting me started. I stress about whether or not I can get the sales I need to maintain. I don't like "sales".. I like helping people, not depending on them to buy from me in order to make money. That's why I have a customer service job!!

Regarding the school job, I am stressing about the kids. Can I keep them under control? Will I be the one that the teachers request to NOT call back? Will I be the one they love? Can I actually make a difference in the lives of the students in such a short time? I told my friend, Michele, that I never saw myself working in the school. She pointed out that, DUH, I attended bible college with the emphasis in children's ministry...why WOULDN'T I see myself working with kids? She's absolutely right!!

My pal, Tamara, helped me tonight. She was "psycho-analyzing" me about why it is that I think I fear failure...have I ever just had an epic failure? No...not really... I have no clue... but in talking it out, I had an "AHA! Moment!"  

She asked if I ever feared my marriage failing because my parents' did.

I said that I had determined in my heart and mind that we would not fail no matter what; and that we'd succeed!

So then, why can I not determine in my heart and mind that I WILL succeed in everything I set out to do? What's with this unrealistic fear? 

I CAN do ALL things through Him who gives me strength!! I don't have to fear failure and rejection, because, in Him, I have already won; in Him I can achieve anything I set my mind to! Relying on my Father makes all the difference! I don't have to worry, if I let Him be in control!

It's a daily sacrifice... but to press on, I have to give it to Him so that I can overcome this stupid fear. Fear is not of God; therefore, it has no right staying around!!